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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 03.03.04 13:14l 212 Lines 6352 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Writing skills
--------------
How can one doubt the future of literature in America with images like
these? As a teacher of writing, I hate to say it, but these ring all
too true as examples of the current generation's writing skills. (And
these are the kids who are trying.) Enjoy.-
Actual Similes and Metaphors Found in High School Essays
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on land mine or
something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall.
Recycled thoughts for the day
-----------------------------
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die
of natural causes.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
Puzzle
------
In each of the sentences below, the names of two countries are hidden. For
example, the sentence: "Interpol and the FBI track down hidden marksmen"
conceals the names POLAND and DENMARK.
See if you can find all twenty hidden countries.
1. Vladimir and Olga are Soviet names.
2. Have you ever heard an animal talk in dialect?
3. The children put on galoshes to go out in the rain.
4. Extra tuition will help an amateur to improve his painting.
5. In the United Nations we denounce the wholesale ban on atomic weapons.
6. Rash decisions may lead to trouble so thorough analysis is required.
7. The prince has not found a home yet since leaving his fine palace.
8. Such a display could be either really grand or rather disappointing.
9. Give the dog a bone and give him a little water.
10. If an iron pipe rusts you just have to shrug and accept it.
_________________________________________
SCROLL DOWN TO FIND THE SOLUTION
_________________________________________
Answer:
1. VladimIR ANd Olga are SoVIET NAMes.
-- -- ---- ---
2. Have you ever heard an aniMAL TAlk IN DIAlect?
--- -- -- ---
3. The children puT ON GAloshes TO GO out in the rain.
- -- -- -- --
4. Extra tuition will helP AN AMAteur to improve hiS PAINting.
- -- --- - ----
5. In the United NationS WE DENounce the wholesaLE BAN ON atomic weapons.
- -- --- -- --- --
6. Rash decisions may lead to troubLE SO THOrouGH ANAlysis is required.
-- -- --- -- ---
7. The prince has not founD A HOME Yet since leaving his fiNE PALace.
- - ---- - -- ---
8. SuCH A Display could be either really grAND OR RAther disappointing.
-- - - --- -- --
9. Give the doG A BONe and give hiM A LIttle water.
- - --- - - --
10. If an iron piPE RUsts you just have to shrUG AND Accept it.
-- -- -- --- -
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