| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 03.03.04 13:13l 126 Lines 3644 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2945-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Monday/Insults/Blood
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0MRW<DB0SON<DB0SIF<DB0EA<DB0RES<ON0BEL<JK1ZRW<WB0TAX<
W7NTF<WA7V<VK7AX<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 040303/1107Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:20287 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2945-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Monday
------
After an exhausting weekend, I woke up Monday morning and sleepily packed
lunch for my eight-year-old child. When I got home from work late that
day, she handed me a note from her teacher, requesting that I see her.
"What's this all about?" I asked sternly. Opening her lunch box, my
daughter showed me the drink I had given her that morning. It was a can of
beer.
How Insulting!
--------------
A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.
- Louis Nizer (1902 -1994)
I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
- Stephen Bishop
He is a self-made man & worships his creator.
- John Bright
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Winston Churchill
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
- Irvin S. Cobb
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary.
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.
- David Lloyd George
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
- Moses Hadas
His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.
- Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)
He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
- Samuel Johnson
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
- Paul Keating
He had delusions of adequacy.
- Walter Kerr
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
- Jack E. Leonard
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
- Robert Redford
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge.
- Thomas Brackett Reed
He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker fore-bears, but by diligent
hard work, he overcame them.
- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- Forrest Tucker
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
- Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Mae West
She is a peacock in everything but beauty.
- Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
- Billy Wilder
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support, rather
than illumination.
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
Blood
-----
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
