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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 29.02.04 11:12l 63 Lines 2396 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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To : HUMOUR@WW
Name
----
"I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young
man said to the 411 operator.
"There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the
operator said. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba."
Elderly Insights
----------------
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....thank God, I still have my
Florida driver's license!
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her
final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed.
"Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
The Sauce
---------
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you
six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife
made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious .. . ..
Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything -- meat,
toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce
is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten
away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use
chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
The dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate
like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
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