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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 24.02.04 12:05l 98 Lines 3107 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2899-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Meanings/Potato/Pirate/Boy
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Sent: 040224/1043Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:19778 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2899-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Meanings
--------
"I'm going fishing." Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a
stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means: "Why isn't it already on the
table?"
"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear." Really means: Absolutely nothing.
It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain." Really means: "I have no idea how it
works."
"We're going to be late." Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means: "I can't hear
the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means: "And I sure
hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it." Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means: "I am used to the
way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific." Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit.
I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means: "No one will
ever see us alive again."
Potato
------
Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am,
this potato is bad."
She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my
plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let
me know."
Pirate
------
In a restaurant one day, a pirate was talking to the waiter. The waiter
asked him, "Why do you have a peg leg?"
The pirate answered, "Back when I was sailing the seas, a big shark noticed
me swimming one day and bit off me leg."
"Well, then how did you get the hook?" the waiter asked, pointing to the
place where the pirate's left hand used to be.
The pirate responded, "Well, me crew and myself were engaged in a rough
battle one day and me hand was cut off by a slimy coward's sword."
The waiter looked at the hook for a moment. "Well now I have to ask how you
got the eye patch."
The pirate snarled, "I looked at a gull flying overhead in the harbor one
day and it took a dump right in me eye."
The waiter was puzzled by this last explanation. "How would that make you
get an eye patch?"
The pirate responded, "Well, first day with me hook."
Boy
---
One night a teenage girl brought her new boy-friend home to meet her
parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern.
"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 5000
hours of community service?"
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