| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 25.01.04 07:15l 105 Lines 3794 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2683-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Flies/Aging/Smart/Lips
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RGB<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON0AR<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 040125/0447Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:17518 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2683-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Flies
-----
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One
spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow poo and dives down toward her.
"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"
Old Age
-------
In case you didn't realize it, most senior citizens have a marvelous sense
of humour. In many cases, it's simply a matter of survival. Here are a
few examples:
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was
about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is
it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know
"why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they
don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at
when you are old.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up
your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
Smart
-----
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick
wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his
voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and
faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of
them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining
that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more
fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I
just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
Lips
----
A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality, character and
presentation, was suffering from a illness that made her lips cracked and
sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment.
Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application
of a prescription medication from her physician. The instructions on the
prescription were to apply the medication once A day, but the young woman
found that more frequent applications were palatable and effective. After
exhausting her supply, she returned to the doctor's office for another one.
The receptionist announced the returning patient to the doctor:
"It's the super gal with the fragile lips expecting extra doses."
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
