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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 12.01.04 13:55l 77 Lines 2452 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Silicon Valley puntime
----------------------
Crisco. A person who got fried by buying Cisco at $80 a share.
Luddate. Someone you are going out with who does not understand the
valley's obsession with technology
Motherbored. In many homes, a technology discussion at dinner between
father and the kids.
Wus-band. Ex-husband.
Microsofa. A piece of furniture which, while it looked fine in the
showroom, gradually begins to dominate the living room, eventually forcing
you to replace all the other furniture, including the TV, to be
"compatible.''
Downloafing. Surfing the net when you should be working.
Flagulence. An outburst of flags, such as on Veterans Day.
Sellular. What wireless really means to the phone industry.
Did You Overeat for the Holidaze?
---------------------------------
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you
add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we
don't gain weight.
The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the drive
in window of McDonalds.
The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
Above all, dieters are advised to avoid Pepsi, the pause that refleshes.
Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the
seconds.
The best way to lose weight is by skipping ,,,, snacks and desert.
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two ,,,, alone.
A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories instead
of its blessings.
For some a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Grump
-----
Tommy was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife.
He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today
of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.
"Tommy!! Tommy!! Put down that paper and let's talk about how we are going
to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?"
Tommy put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for
a moment into the distance, then said, "How about two minutes of silence?"
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