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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 07.01.04 13:12l 110 Lines 3843 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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Subj: Golf/Quotes/Tips
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Sent: 040107/1034Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:16347 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2613-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Golf
----
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow
approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually
plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say,
we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet
but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes
and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his
$80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to
pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic
Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and
offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won
fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll
marry them for you."
Quotes
------
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any
Indian.
--Robert Orben
There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there
must never be a time when we fail to protest.
--Elie Wiesel
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself.
--Leo Tolstoy
A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.
--Herbert V. Prochnow
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to
sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
--Anatole France
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that
he cannot believe anyone else.
--George Bernard Shaw
Charisma is what makes one man a skinny grandfather with bad teeth
repeating the same story since 1964, and the other man Mick Jagger singing
'Satisfaction' to a stadium full of screaming fans at 300 bucks a head.
--Dennis Miller
I've decided that since I was born in America; I am going to check the
Native American box on the next census form.
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of
thought which they seldom use.
--Kierkegaard
Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.
--Saul Alinsky
Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people once a year.
--Victor Borge
Tips for the Clueless
---------------------
If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper", this problem cannot be
resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a
water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of
your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2", don't do it immediately. Remove
disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
When your PC says "You have mail", don't go to the company mailroom and
look for a package.
The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language
web pages into French.
If you're in the armed services and it's April 1st and you get an e-mail
message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have to
specify whether it's for Windows or for Macintosh.
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