| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 06.01.04 13:20l 110 Lines 3799 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2611-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Alcatraz/Old/Diet
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0SIF<DB0FHK<DB0LJ<DB0RES<ON0AR<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 040106/1042Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:16290 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2611-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Alcatraz
--------
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to
purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz.
Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young
children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents
reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
Signs That Old Age Might Be Creeping Up On You
----------------------------------------------
You like to be in crowds because they keep you from falling down.
Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today".
The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.
A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills
Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with
your pills.
Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.
Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
Diet For 2004
-------------
Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!!!
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most
diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't
get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have
noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success
is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor
before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards.
Good Luck !!!
DAY ONE:
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite
of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips and a glass of
milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO:
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog
Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in
dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
DAY THREE:
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the
cushion of best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites
onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips and some red punch.
Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY:
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of
sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
Stick of mascara for dessert.
Enjoy!
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
