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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 24.12.21 09:40l 178 Lines 4919 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 24281_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 24/12
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FFL<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IW0QNL<VE2PKT<GB7YEW
Sent: 211224/0734Z 24281@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
If cocks crow during a downpour, it will be fine before night.
--------
Did You Know -
-If colouring weren't added to Coca-Cola it would be green.
---
Proverbs
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has been fulfilled.
----
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with
my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know, some of us have been
known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home
after a "social session" out with friends. Well two days ago I was out for
an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather
nice red wine. Feeling rather jolly, I still had the sense to know that I
may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never
done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was
a cab they waved me past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a
real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got
it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
--------
A store that sells 'New Husbands', has opened in
New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions
At the entrance, there is also a description of how the store
Operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE !...There are six floors,
And the value of the products increase as the shopper
Ascends the flights !..The shopper may choose any item
From a particular floor, or they may choose to go up to the
Next floor, but they cannot go back down, except to
Exit the building !
So, a woman goes to the 'Husband Store' to find a husband. On the first floor the
Sign on the door reads :
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She's intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more' !!
So she continues upward, to the third floor, where the sign reads
:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids , and are Extremely Good
Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor, and the sign reads
:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With
Housework.
'Oh, mercy me', she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it' !!
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads
:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework,
And Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads
:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
Floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE :
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a 'New Wives' store, just across
The street !!
The first floor has wives that love sex !!
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer !!
The third, fourth, fifth, and sixth floors, have never been visited !!!!!!
------------
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was
maybe 2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one
of my favourite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought
him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and
lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mother came home.
My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea,
because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My mother waited and sure enough, here
I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it
up, then says, (as only a mother would know.) 'Did it ever occur to you that
the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet'?
------------------
The Importance of Walking
----- Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at £3000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven 'I lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
--
Best Wishes
Dave
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