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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 28.10.21 10:45l 220 Lines 7154 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 22130_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: jokes 28/10
Path: DB0FHN<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IW0QNL<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<PI8ZTM<VE3CGR<
GB7YEW
Sent: 211028/0836Z 22130@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
An English Summer Three Hot Days and a Thunderstorm
-------
Thanks Ian
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterdaybut couldn't find any *******************
---
THERE IS REASON TO BELIEVE MOST OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BECOME
REALITY IN THE NEXT 10-20 YEARS . . . . MOST OF US WON'T SEE THE
CHANGES, BUT OUR KIDS AND GRAND-KIDS WILL !!
21 - In the USA, young lawyers already don't get jobs, (because of
IBM's, WATSON) . . . . you can get legal advice within a few seconds
so far the basic stuff . . . . with 90*ccuracy compared with 70ªaccuracy when done by humans . . . . So, if you're studying law, STOP
IMMEDIATELY . . . . There will be 90/ewer lawyers in the future, what
a thought and only omniscient specialists will remain . . . .
--
Did you hear what happened to the butcher? He backed into a meat slicer and got
a little behind in his work.
--------
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten
Students put on his boots? He was really struggling so she began pulling
And him pushing. The boots still didn't want to go on. Finally after
Several minutes the first boot was on. When the second boot was on she
had Worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said "teacher they're on the
Wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the
Boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
Together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right
Feet.
He then announced "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream "Why
didn't You say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to
help him pull The ill-fitting boots off.
He then said "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered what grace and
Courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
"Now" she said sweating profusely"where are your mittens?"
He said "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots. . ."
----------------------------
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to
her"Just so you know I never want to live in a vegetative state
dependent on Some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever
happens just pull the Plug."
His wife got up unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
---------------------
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was
an island in the middle of the lake which the kingdoms had been
fighting over for years. finally the three kings decided that they
would send their knights out to do battle and the winner would take the
island.
The night before the battle the knights and their squires pitched camp
and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knight
sand each knight had 5 Squires all of whom were busily polishing armour
brushing horses and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights and
each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy
preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom there was only
one knight with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it
from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal
while the knight polished his own armour.
When the hour of the battle came the three kingdoms sent their squires
out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join
in). The battle raged and when the dust cleared the only person left
was the lone squire from the third kingdom having defeated the squires
from the other two kingdoms.
Thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the
sum of the squires of the other two sides
---------
1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandra.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold I began
to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was Cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act. But
instead I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: so what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
searched and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be
alive.
-------------
Two bowling teams one of all Blondes and one of all brunettes charter a
double-Decker bus for a weekend Trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus and The Blonde team
rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up Having a great time
when one of them realised she Hadn't heard anything from the Blondes
upstairs. She Decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top she found all the Blondes in fear
staring straight ahead at the road Clutching the seats in front of them
with white knuckles.
The brunette asked'What the heck's going on up here?
We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her swallowed hard And whispered...
'YEAH BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!'
-------------
Sexual content
'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your
biscuit going soft.
-------------
A Tough Decision
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says'Ah I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the
highway. You're going to be okay you'll walk again and everything
but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but the
fact is your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to
find it.'
The man groans but the doctor goes on 'You've got £9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new
willy that will work as well as your old one did... Better in fact! But
the thing is it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch.'
The man perks up at this. The doctor says'it's for you to decide how
many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with
your wife. I mean if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this
time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role
in helping you make the decision.'
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
day. 'So have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have' says the man.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'Yes she has' says the man.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
'We're getting granite work surfaces for the kitchen.'
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