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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 24.06.21 10:45l 190 Lines 5870 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 21826_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: jokes 24/6
Path: DB0FHN<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IW0QNL<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<PI8ZTM<VE3CGR<
GB7YEW
Sent: 210624/0835Z 21826@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
When the wind is in the east 'tis neither good for man nor beast
---
Thanks to Ian R.
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
10/
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
------
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
--------
Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge ponder. (2) When in trouble delegate. (3) When in
doubt mumble.
------
All syllogisms have three parts therefore this is not a syllogism.
----
Swipple's Rule of Order:
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
---
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He
took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One
Day the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before
long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly
in his direction with the obvious intention of having him
for lunch. The dachshund thinks"OK I'm in deep trouble
now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and
immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back
to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to
Leap the dachshund exclaims loudly "boy that was one
delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around
here." Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in
mid-stride as a look of terror comes over him and slinks
away into the trees. "Whew" says the leopard. "That was
close. That dachshund nearly had me." meanwhile a monkey who
had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
Tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and
trade it for protection from the leopard. so off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with
great speed and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard spills the
beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The
leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says"Here
Monkey hop on my back and see what's going to happen to
that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard
coming with the monkey on his back and thinks"What am I
going to do now?" But instead of running the dog sits down
with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen
them yet ... And just when they get close enough to hear the
dachshund says..................
"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to
bring me another leopard."
-------------------------------
A woman called a local hospital . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information
About patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting
better, doing as expected or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said "What is the patient's name and
Room number?"
"Sarah Finkel room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station . . . "
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing
Very well. In fact she's had two full meals! Her blood pressure
Is fine she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of
Hours and if she continues this improvement Dr. Cohen is going
To send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said"What a relief! oh that's fantastic . . . that's
Wonderful news!"
The nurse said "From your enthusiasm I take it you are a close
Family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I AM Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me anything
--------------------------
Wise Old Jewish Man
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old
Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to
pray twice a day every day for a long long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the
Western Wall and there he was walking slowly up to
The holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes When he turned
to leave using a cane and moving very
slowly she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me sir I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN.
What's your name?
"Morris Fishbier" he replied.
"sir how long have you been coming to the
Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews
And the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely
As responsible adult sand to love their fellow man."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a brick wall."
-------------
A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back
normal so the doctor says"harry everything looks great. How are
you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?"
Harry replies"God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight so
he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
poof! the light goes on. When I'm done poof! the light goes off."
"Wow that's incredible" the doctor says.
A little later in the day the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Mrs. White" he
says "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his
relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and
poof! the light
goes on in the bathroom and when he's done poof! the light goes off?"
"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Mrs. White exclaims"He's peeing in the fridge again!"
--
Best Wishes
Dave.
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