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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 25.06.21 08:15l 196 Lines 4377 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 21857_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: jokes 25/6
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0ERF<DB0RES<ON0AR<GB7CIP<N7HPX<W9GM<GB7YEW
Sent: 210625/0603Z 21857@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
It's the early bird that gets the worm
-
Thanks to Ian R.
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
11/
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
--
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same
procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the
gaudy officials have gone by.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
---
Adult, n.:
One old enough to know better.
-----
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is
reading it.
---
Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
---
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
Have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
"My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "Are you sure? Why would she do
Such a thing?"
The man then pleads, "I don't know why, but I'm telling you, I'm certain
she's poisoning me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi thinks a bit, then says, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll
See what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke with your
Wife. I called her and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. You want my
Advice?"
"Yes, yes, of course." said the man.
The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
Newlywed's Question
-------------------
Newlywed Bride: "Will you love me when I'm old?"
Newlywed Groom: "Love you? I shall idolize you. I shall worship the ground
That you walk on. I shall -- errrr ---uhhhh---- wait--- You're NOT going to
Look like your mother, are you?"
Doctor
------
We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my
Co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has
Pholenfrometry."
Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with
The doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head.
"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."
Military
--------
I knew I had been in the military too long when my five-year-old daughter
Sang her version of "Silent Night." It went like this: "Silent night, holy
Night, all is calm, all is bright, Round yon virgin mother and child, Holy
Infantry, tender and mild..."
Rain
----
"Rain is caused by big, high-pressure areas; cold fronts; warm, moist air;
And the first day of your vacation."
Personal Contact
----------------
Apparently not everyone is fed up with telephone-answering machines. At the
Newspaper office where I work, we have several of them for different
Departments.
However, while on the evening shift I answer the newsroom phone. I took one
Call and heard a woman exclaim: "Oh! I thought I was going to get a
Machine. I'll call back in the morning." And she hung up.
Coarse -
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya at teyhk a look if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible"he says"there is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom and then a £10
Pound note appears.
"This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man!"shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears and another and
Another and another etc....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor tank ya koindly dat's moch batter. Just out of interest How
Moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash.
"1990 exactly."
"Ah dat'd be roit''says the Irishman
(Wait for it...........scroll down.)
I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."
--
Best Wishes
Dave.
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