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ZL3AI > TREK 26.05.05 15:08l 60 Lines 3090 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 5571-ZL3AI
Read: DO1SAT GUEST
Subj: Redneck Jedi
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RGB<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON0AR<ON0AR<F6KMO<7M3TJZ<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 050526/1252Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:52353 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:5571-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : TREK@WW
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi if ....
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....you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
....that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
....you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
....you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
....your landspeeder has a gun rack.
....you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
....you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...
the dark side are they."
....your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
....your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
....you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
....you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
....you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
....your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
....you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
....you jump-start your lightsaber from a car battery.
....your father's name is Garth Vader.
....you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
....you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
....you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
....you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
....you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
....your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
....you think the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the
dadgum skeeters.
....you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
....you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
....you use the "O" on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
....you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on
your farm back home.
....you call the Emperor "That old ugly dude in the house coat."
....you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
....the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
....you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
....you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spittoon.
....your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
....your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
....you feel that duct tape is like the force it has a light side
and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
....you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
....you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
....you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
....you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
....you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.
....you brand cattle with a lightsaber.
....your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.
....your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a
half gallon of granny's moon shine.
....you use your lightsaber as a bug zapper.
....you think the Death Star is in the outhouse.
....you have fish innards all over your light saber.
....your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he
hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."
....you hear . . "Luke, I am your father . . and your uncle!"
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