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VE3WBZ > QRM 17.07.08 13:35l 180 Lines 6968 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 52405_VA3BAL
Read: GUEST
Subj: Attn: KB2VXA and VK6BE etc ;)
Path: DB0FHN<DB0MRW<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON4HU<VE3UIL<VA3BAL
Sent: 080717/1127Z @:VA3BAL.#SCON.ON.CAN.NOAM #:52405 [Ballantrae] $:52405_VA3B
From: VE3WBZ@VA3BAL.#SCON.ON.CAN.NOAM
To : QRM@WW
TO:QRM @WW
FR:VE3WBZ@VA3BAL.#SCON.ON.CAN.NOAM
DT:Thursday,July 17th.,2008 @0610hrs EST
Hi Warren, and everyone. Sorry I couldn't post this
yesterday, I had misplaced it, and oh well even in
retirement, there is never enough hours in a day
and in retirement, I seem to work longer hours for
nothing... go figure...
Hope you enjoy this one ...hahahahaha
From: Sandy McKnight <#####.########@#####.###>
To:Peter VE3WBZ <ve3wbz -at- hotail.com>
Subject: Message to USA from Her Majesty the Queen
Date: July 14, 2008 8:18 AM
-Message from Her Majesty the Queen
To the citizens of the United States of America from
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate
competent candidates for President of the USA and thus
to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
Governor for America without the need for further
elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency,
the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary.)
1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as
"colour", "favour", "labour" and "neighbour."
Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without
skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be
expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(look up "vocabulary").
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let
M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft
spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the
reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using
guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so
many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite
ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're
not ready to shoot grouse.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry
a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts,
and you will start driving on the left side with
immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric
with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.
8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you
have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.
Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call
French fries are not real chips, and those things you
insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is
not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper
British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European
brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as
they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on
earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also
part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them. American brands will be referred to as
Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required
to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in
" Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin
to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only
one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest
every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour
like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby - the
South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they
regularly thrash us.
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
reasonable to host an event called the World Series
for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the
South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure
the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,
with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality
biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries
(with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA
(those with a good sense of humour and NOT humor.)
Along with this came a picture of Queen Elizabeth ll.
--------------------------------eot-----------------------
Sandy the Irishman, is a fellow sailor, I have enjoyed
many a race with...winning and loosing :)
ttfn
Peter VE3WBZ
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