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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 07.03.04 11:56l 87 Lines 3269 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2973-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: 50+/Canada/Sleep/Morals
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0MRW<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON0AR<GB7FCR<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 040307/0925Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:20527 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2973-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
50+
---
After 50+ years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or
brother, the old man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was
adopted.
"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly, "but it
didn't work out and they brought you back."
Canada
------
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the
North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute
between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who
had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son
and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some
news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the
people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the
United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the
agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and
tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of them
Canadian winters!"
Sleep
-----
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers.
Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man
told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver.
"I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep
at the wheel."
"Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your hand
and hold it out the window."
Moral of the Story
------------------
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
Get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying
and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs,
but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this
story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a
flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had
to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a
machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it
wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of
bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade
broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay well away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
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