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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 21.02.04 16:33l 98 Lines 3684 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2871-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Cat/Romantic/Discoveries
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Sent: 040221/1258Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:19571 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2871-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Cat owners, beware
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A woman is enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends one day.
"Oh, No! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to
be really ticked if it's not ready on time." When she gets home, she
realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she
has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat
food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg and
garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.
She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his
dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.
"Darling, this the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of
marriage. You can make this for me any old day.
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband
the same dish. She told her golf partners about it and they were all
horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around when one
of them said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food
every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing
you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill
while he was licking his backside."
Romantic First Line.....Least Romantic Second Line...
-----------------------------------------------------
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme
with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty
and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka,one part lime.
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
------------------------------------------------
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play
chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go
somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
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