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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 16.02.04 12:07l 78 Lines 2291 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2851-ZL3AI
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Subj: Lawyers/Computers
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Sent: 040216/1002Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:19238 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2851-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Lawyers
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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out
which side to spit on.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder
company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey
have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of
lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.
Computers
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I have a friend who just bought a computer and was instructed to load a
program by typing "A:" and then the name of the programme.
My friend told me it would not work because his keyboard was no good. He
said he couldn't type the "dot over dot thingie" and that every time he
tried to type the "dot over dot thingie" he kept getting the "dot over
comma thingie" no matter how careful he was to press only on the very top
of the key.
When I taught him about the shift key, he thought I was a genius.
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