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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 01.02.04 14:21l 136 Lines 4806 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Q&A
---
Q: What do bees use to make their hair look nice?
A: Honey combs.
Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
A: The heat was intense.
Q: Why did the soda can go to college?
A: He wanted to be a fizz ed teacher.
Q: Why is five o'clock in the morning like a pig's tail?
A: It's twirly. (Get it? "Too early"?)
Life's Little Questions
-----------------------
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles
are always white?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message one slice? How
many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff
in that slot?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
down to give their vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not, then
what was the purpose of the bath?
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your
clothes, would they eventually just disappear?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't
all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?
Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you
always think there's still one more step?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
of the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup
is how close to the road the stuff is placed? (Love this one)
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?
Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what
the heck happened?
If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who
really is the dumber sex?
Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as
needy throughout the rest of the year?
Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep
wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly
ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?
How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?
Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?
Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?
Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense
in two people remembering the same things right?
Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to
live with women?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife
told you the first time?
Attack Dog Shopping
-------------------
A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a
kennel that specializes in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel
owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel,
and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.
After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog.
He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage.
"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.
"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in
mind for you."
They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an
even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried
to bite them through the wire on his cage.
"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."
"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."
The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog
that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to
notice as the men approached.
"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.
The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed.
"This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at
all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!"
"I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and
he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
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