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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 01.02.04 14:14l 91 Lines 3560 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2747-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Cosmetics/Golf/Estate
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Sent: 040201/0944Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:18024 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2747-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Cosmetics
---------
His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely
guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror
for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products. Finally, when she
was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what
age would you say I am?"
He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, judging from
your skin, twenty. Your hair, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you're so sweet!"
"Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet..."
Golf Jokes
----------
A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his
ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between
two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took
another mighty swing;the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the
forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked
"Are you a good golfer', to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't
I?"
====================================================
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was
standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"?
He looked her right in the eye .... and said, "This isn't going to take all
day, is it?"
====================================================
An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the
local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was
told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out
on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today.
Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many
strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, "I really don't need any
strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is
getting out of sand traps."
And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro
had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The
old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to
the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the
green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in
the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem
getting out of sand traps?"
Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand."
====================================================
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her
recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there
is a charge of 50 cents per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read "Fred Brown
died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word
minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read,
"Fred Brown died: golf clubs for sale."
Estate sale
-----------
Whether he's buying books online or day trading on a discount broker's
site, my 21-year-old brother Felix is constantly on the computer. One day
as we drove by a neighbor's house, we noticed they were having an estate
sale. As my brother peered at the sign in the front yard, he asked,
"What's an E-state sale?"
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