| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 30.01.04 12:59l 66 Lines 2561 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2733-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Freshman/Physicist/Computers
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0SIF<DB0EA<DB0ACC<DB0GOS<ON0AR<ON0AR<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<
ZL3VML
Sent: 040130/1015Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:17867 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2733-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Freshman
--------
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior
for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry,
I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you
were pregnant."
Physicist
---------
There was this physicist who was in the habit of getting home quite late.
One time, he came home at 2:30 a.m. with a torn shirt, lipstick on his
collar, hair messed up, and generally looking like a wreck. His wife caught
him coming in the door and demanded to know why he came home so late.
His replied, "Well, after I left work today, a few friends and I went out
to the bar for a few drinks. We met up with some rather good-looking young
women and started to drink to excess. Things just kept happening, as you
can well see. I sobered up enough to note how late it was, so I rushed
home."
She screamed, "You liar! You were in the lab again, weren't you?"
Top Kitchen Fixes For Computer Glitches
---------------------------------------
9. Bugs go well with a nice Shiraz or marinated in a vintage tequila.
It may not fix the blasted computer, but after a few bottles, they'll
certainly not be bothering you anymore!
8. If you receive a kernel.dll error, place affected kernel in corn
oil and cook until all popping sounds have stopped.
7. Toss chips with spaghetti-wires, saute until logic fails.
6. Show the computer canned SPAM. Explain this is what happened to a
pig with a glitch. The computer should straighten right up.
5. Some problems are a result of the computer overheating. Keep a
few frosted memory chips and cards in the freezer for those warm days.
4. Stuff in the oven and bake at 450 degree for 30 minutes. For higher
altitudes, reduce free memory by 500 MB and allow ten extra minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place computer on a Silpat-lined jelly
roll pan. Bake about 20 minutes, or until the DVD-ROM drawer pops open and
the computer waves a tiny little white hot pad, indicating it's now willing
to comply. Remove from the oven, being careful not to burn yourself on the
molten plastic. Cool to room temperature. Call customer support for
shipping instructions.
2. Crack open case with one sharp blow and flip the memory from one half
to the other, allowing the RAM to fall into your mixing bowl while keeping
the ROM in the shell.
And the #1 Kitchen Fix for Computer Glitches...
1. Cook at 11111010 degrees for 101101 minutes or until golden brown.
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
