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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 25.01.04 13:31l 89 Lines 4155 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Beagle Probe Held Hostage
-------------------------
After an intense search to track down the missing Beagle Probe signals have
now reached the control room indicating that the Probe has landed into the
hands of a significant mercenary Martian contingent.
The Beagle Probe was launched by British scientists and after landing on
Mars, failed to send a signal indicating that the mission was on course.
The signal that has now been received lists several demands from Martians
who have decided that the Probe is encroaching on their privacy and have
refused to release it until the demands are met.
Amongst the list of demands, the Martians insist that the next probe to
land on Mars must be carrying "A Paddling pool, already filled and three
boxes of Star Bars."
The somewhat bizarre list of demands imply that for some time a Martian
contingent has been watching the Earth and desiring many of the items that
we take for granted but are unable to produce without mass industry and
modern manufacturing methods. The Martians are particularly interested in
Chocolate and Bacardi products. They have also asked for a foot long hotdog
and "one of those hats that claps". Perhaps most controversially, the
Martians have insisted that the demands be delivered by "Two Tarsiers, one
of each sex and of breeding age" The Tarsier is a primitive Indonesian
primate with huge eyes. As it is registered endangered and would not be
expected to survive the trip, it seems unlikely that the Martians will be
satisfied.
Jeff Wayne, a spokesman from the British team has expressed initial
astonishment followed by deep dismay at the Martians refusal to co-
operate. Well, the chances of anything coming from Mars were a million to
one, they said. But now that we have established life exists in an
intelligent form on the planet it looks certain that we will have to start
some kind of dialogue however I hope they are not too disappointed when we
fail to deliver the full list of their demands.
A resolution has not been totally ruled out. A recently successful NASA
expedition has also released a third Probe onto the surface of Mars.
Although initially kept secret from the press NASA have announced that
their Probe "Freedom Ranger" is well armed and fully trained to deal with
such a Martian threat. It seems that NASA's probe was armed with anti-tank
missiles and a 40mm side cannon as well as rear mounted flame thrower and
remotely operated Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher.
NASA have explained that they are ready for the threat and will not accept
surrender from the Martians. "This is very exciting indeed, now that we
have officially established that life exists on other planets the race is
on to obliterate it...."
Saddam
------
Now that Saddam has been caught, Bin Laden has been declared the official
World Hide and Seek Champion.
Bizarre History Test Answers
----------------------------
The following is a sample list of "history" of the world from certifiably
genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United
States, from eighth grade through college level.
The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf,
ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
On April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by
one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator was
John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father
of Our Country. The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to
keep bare arms.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in
their tea.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote
"Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
"Paradise Lost." Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
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