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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 21.01.04 19:15l 60 Lines 2437 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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Bizarre Doctors' Notes
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[These are actual notes taken from patient charts.]
"The patient complains of a dry cough that hurts when he coughs and also
when he takes deep breaths for 4 days."
"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home."
"Patient had waffles for breakfast, and anorexia for lunch."
"Patient was alert and unresponsive."
"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"The patient has no past history of suicides."
"The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original
complaints."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
"The other foot has the missing toe."
A New Way to Cut the Cheese
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MADISON, Wis. - A researcher from the University of Wisconsin at Madison
has created a new method to slice cheese - by using a laser. "At any other
university, people would have just laughed. But this is Wisconsin. It's
cheese. And this is no laughing matter," said Xiaochun Li, a mechanical
engineering professor and laser expert. Li, along with engineering graduate
student Hongseok Choi, has discovered that the same kind of laser used for
eye surgery can be used to slice Wisconsin's famous food product. Li first
tried to use a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by
melting or evaporating, but that fried the cheese. Trying again, he used a
new class of laser, known as a cold laser, that cuts by blasting apart the
molecular bonds that hold materials together.
Losing Connection With Reality
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A West Bend man is suing the cable company that he feels made him addicted
to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy. Timothy
Dumouchel is asking for $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of
free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle a small claims
suit. Dumouchel told Charter that he plans to sue because his cable
connection remained intact four years after he tried to get it canceled. "I
believe that the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is
overweight is because we watched TV every day for the last four years,"
Dumouchel stated in a written complaint against the company. He stated that
he called Charter several times to get the service disconnected for good
because he felt it was addictive, but they reportedly never did.
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