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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 21.01.04 19:15l 101 Lines 3419 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
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Sent: 040121/1602Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:17257 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2659-ZL3AI
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To : HUMOUR@WW
Blondes
-------
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible
sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for
her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her
purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde
police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The
blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens
it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.
After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes,
hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you
would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over
we could have avoided this whole thing."
Pauly, the chicken farmer
-------------------------
A life-long city man, Pauly decided to leave the rat-race, move to the
country and become a chicken farmer, so he found a nice chicken farm and
bought it. Turned out that his next door neighbour, a kind, generous man
named Maury, was also a chicken farmer.
Maury came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell
you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."
Pauly was thrilled. Two weeks later the Maury stopped by to see how things
were going, and Pauly said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died."
Maury said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my
chickens. I'll give you 100 more."
Another two weeks went by, and Maury stops in again. Pauly told him,
"You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too."
Astounded, Maury asked, "What went wrong? What did you do to them?"
Well, Pauly said, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or not
far apart enough."
The Blind Date
--------------
Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael
is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you
like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout
'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is
awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the
girl suddenly shouts:
...."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
The Global Economy
------------------
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer:
An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines
This is sent to you by a New Zealander,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalisation
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