| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 14.01.04 12:34l 85 Lines 3706 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2647-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Mars/Anniversary/Tshirts
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RGB<DB0MRW<OK0PKL<OK0PCC<OK0NAG<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON0AR<ZL2BAU<
ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 040114/1010Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:16839 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2647-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Martian Air Force denies UFO crash
----------------------------------
Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false
rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares
Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy
The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude
weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares
Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with a story
about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the
nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, and
"deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases." Minutes later, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict
the earlier report.
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable
vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by
incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to
accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to
speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy
theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious
government cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps. They point to
the release of secret government memos detailing attempts to discredit
reports of the landings by alien space craft. The memos discuss strategies
to avoid troubles similar to those caused by the War of the Worlds radio
program of years ago. The program, which featured a sensational story of
gigantic oxygen breathing two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide
panic.
Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes" claimed
Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my adult
life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately they come
in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the truth but I can
tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to invade and the
government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on press releases and
denials instead of preparing for the battle to come." A spokesthing denied
any government involvement in the disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been
seen since shortly after the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows
that a planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is
a deadly and inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less
intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded and
wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the
citizens of Mars."
Anniversary
-----------
Grandpappy and his wife were discussing their 50th wedding anniversary when
she said, "Shall I kill a chicken tonight?"
"Naw," said Grandpappy, "Why blame a bird for something that happened 50
years ago?"
Bizarre T-Shirt Sayings
-----------------------
(around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won
My Wife Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
(Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah
Senior Citizen: Just Give Me My Discount
Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog
I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian
Liberal Arts Major...Will Think For Money
IRS -- Be Audit You Can Be
Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
