| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 13.01.04 12:08l 111 Lines 3775 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2635-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Pessimists/Wisdom/Golf
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RGB<OK0PPL<DB0RES<ON0AR<7M3TJZ<SP7MGD<VK3TE<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<
ZL3VML
Sent: 040113/0959Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:16774 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2635-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Daily Affirmations for Pessimists
---------------------------------
Don't try beating 'em or joining 'em. Either hang out by yourself or quit.
Seek, and you shall be disappointed.
Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.
If you don't have anything nice to say, welcome to the club.
Did you ever sit back and evaluate your life and think, "Wow, things are
going just as I always wanted them to?" I didn't think so. Me either.
Grandpa's Wisdom
----------------
Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on
the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt
that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better or worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred,
she will never be an old nag.
Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder that
brides often blush.
On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past..but never the
present.
A foolish husband remarks to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin',
ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work.
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is
kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man, he can cook, sew, make a bed
and is in good health...and he's already used to taking orders.
Golf
----
1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely
make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
7. A "gimmie" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...
neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it
is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and
shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go
out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme" Putt, you
might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you
can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've really reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work
and both are Expensive.
15. The best wood in most golfers' bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers ... they
shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five."
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough
than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf... it is also just a matter of time
before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball
goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the
drinks!
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
