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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 01.01.04 13:12l 64 Lines 2216 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2581-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Cooking/Market/Morale
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Sent: 040101/1009Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:15802 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2581-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Cooking Terms
-------------
Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you
forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the
line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and
fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the
same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were
granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the
words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking
a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is
removed, but when it is put in the oven.
Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat
and poultry.
Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of
radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking
compartment.
Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the
average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
Market
------
A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it's a free
market.
A toy company can out-source to a Chinese sub-contractor and claim it's a
free market.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it's a
free market.
BUT, heaven help the elderly who dare to want to buy their prescription
drugs from a foreign pharmacy.
How Unpatriotic!
Morale
------
I worked as an accountant in a paper mill where my boss decided that it
would improve motivation to split a bonus between the two shifts based on
what percentage of the total production each one accomplished.
The workers quickly realized that it was easier to sabotage the next shift
than to make more paper. Co-workers put glue in locks, loosened nuts on
equipment so it would fall apart, you name it. The bonus scheme was
abandoned after about ten days, to avoid all-out civil war.
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