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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 18.12.21 11:08l 175 Lines 4727 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 24114_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 18/12
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0ERF<OK0NAG<OK0PBR<OK2PEN<VE3CGR<GB7YEW
Sent: 211218/0853Z 24114@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give
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Did You Know -
-The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
--
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
your casket and friends and congregation are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!”
--
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to
you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute.
--
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed
Home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01P.M..
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor..
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them
On the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organize Ed to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to
Bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through
Without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
Things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months,
Though.
You got pregnant last night.'
--------------------
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a
Fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
Peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
Yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible
Death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at
The single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few
Deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the
Fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted
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Thought for the day -
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
--
Best Wishes
Dave
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