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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 17.12.21 08:45l 159 Lines 4178 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 24068_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 17/12
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0ERF<DB0RES<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<PI8ZTM<VE3CGR<GB7YEW
Sent: 211217/0638Z 24068@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
When the night goes to bed with a fever, it will awake with a wet head
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Did You Know -
-40000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my
elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait
for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have
45 minutes." They were seated immediately.
The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
"hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed.
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Paraprosdokian of the day
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then say whatever you hit was the target
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A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke
Into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
- And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs.
She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids ( 6 year-olds), because the last one is classic!
Strike while the insect is close.
Never underestimate the power of ants.
Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
Better to be safe than punch a grade 7 boy.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
You can lead a horse to water but how?
No news is impossible.
A miss is as good as a Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new math's.
Love all, trust me.
The pen is mightier than the pigs.
An idle mind is the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's pollution.
Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
A penny saved is not much.
Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not smacked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind get out of the way.
And the favourite: Better late than pregnant!
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Riddle of the Day Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
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The answer is: 'A Last Name.'
You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?
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Best Wishes
Dave
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