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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 27.11.21 09:36l 273 Lines 6588 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 23283_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 27/11
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Sent: 211127/0713Z 23283@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Redbirds or Bluebirds chatter when it's going to rain
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Thanks Ian
Man – do you have Viagra for women ? Pharmacist – Jewelry store across the road.
-
Quotes
What I tell you three times is true.
-- Lewis Carroll
--
Palm Reading :-
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
--
Things To Make You Ponder !
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
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Kitchen Wisdom
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone
to prevent ice cream drips.
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake!
You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up
to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the
dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a
peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please
recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it
and I don't care how bad it tastes!'
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it
will keep for weeks.
Celery? Never heard of it!
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go
away!
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future
use in casseroles and sauces.
Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!
__________
Subject: FOR THOSE WHO NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING:
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.
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No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.
Go ahead ... I'll wait.
********************************
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
(So, watch your ass!)
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You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
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The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
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The King of Hearts is the only King without a moustache.
******************************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each
salad served in first-class.
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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
( Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)
It tells you that women are going in the 'right' direction!
************************************
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
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Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
**************************************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer
So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
**************************************
Walt Disney was afraid of mice!
***************************************
Pearls dissolve in vinegar!
***************************************
The ten most valuable brand names on earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds, Samsung,
Intel, and Toyota, in that order.
******************************************
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but, NOT downstairs.
*****************************************
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why?
****************************************
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
***************************************
Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS!
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
***************************************
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and
yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out
of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
neighbours feared him. They believed he practised black magic,
because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their
neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To
everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went
straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow..
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that
he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come
back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried
upside down......'
(Women - they think of everything!!!!)
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Sexual content
Sex
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's
status, she consulted the Family doctor.
The doc tor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
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Pancakes
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather
small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
large stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.
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Best Wishes
Dave
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