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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 02.06.21 09:03l 161 Lines 5184 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 20272_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 2/6
Path: DB0FHN<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IQ2LB<IQ5KG<I0OJJ<EA2RCF<LU9DCE<GB7YEW
Sent: 210602/0654Z 20272@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family
tree
---------
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: That's proprietary information.
Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
-
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
----
Puns for those with a higher IQ
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
-----------
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
---
A couple was invited to a fancy costume party. The Mrs. got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
Being a devoted husband he protested, but she argued and said
she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was
no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was
still early, decided to go the party after all. Since her husband did
not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some
fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was
not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and
copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. So she sidled up to him
and, since she was a rather seductive babe herself, he left his
current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that
had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally since
he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to the first open car they could find in the parking lot
and knocked off a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind
of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never
have a good time when you're not there."
- "Did you dance much ?"
- "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met
Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and
played poker all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I lent my
costume to!!! "
-------------
I was so happy and content as I watched the wife drift off last night.
Her dinghy's got a puncture and she's a poor swimmer.
---
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra and panties.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
=======
Knowledge
ONE IS NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW!
”Manure... An interesting fact.Manure :
In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilisers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this "volatile" cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) ,………….
“So its really not a swear word” which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I-I had always thought it was a golfing term
----
Coarse
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon water min, it's foo o' coo's shite
n pish.'
Man replies, 'My good fellow, I'm English ....repeat that in English.'
Gamekeeper replies, 'I said use both hands - you get more that way.
--
Best Wishes
Dave.
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