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ZL3AI > TREK 24.11.03 10:28l 77 Lines 2241 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2370-ZL3AI
Read: DB0FHN GUEST
Subj: Starfleet Captain Redneck
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0MRW<DB0ERF<DB0FBB<DB0FHK<DB0LJ<LX0HST<HA3PG<VK3AVE<
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Sent: 031124/0757Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:13425 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2370-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : TREK@WW
A Starfleet Captain Might be considered a Redneck if................
1) - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
2) - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
3) - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
4) - he refers to any intelligent alien race as "critters"
5) - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
6) - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
7) - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
8) - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing
frequencies"
9) - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
10) - he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
11) - he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
12) - he says "Yea Haw! Let's get this puppy movin!!!" instead of "Engage"
13) - he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
14) - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
15) - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
16) - he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
17) - he paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes
18) - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
19) - he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
20) - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
21) - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
22) - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
23) - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
24) - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans
and weenies
25) - he sets phaser to "Cajun"
26) - he has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables
27) - the warp reactor is coated in duct tape, Bond-O, and Super-Glu
28) - he orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine
29) - he lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol
30) - he keeps livestock in the cargo bay
31) - he refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as "the best target practice I
ever had."
32) - he orders the ship into timewarp so he can have another go at the
"Tuesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Ribs" buffet
33) - the ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship's mascot are all named
after his favorite movie actresses
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