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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 27.02.04 14:41l 102 Lines 3707 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2911-ZL3AI
Read: GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Toothbrush/Q&A/Snow/Crisco
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Sent: 040227/1318Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:19952 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2911-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Toothbrush
----------
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this
one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
Q&A
---
Q: Where do geologists go for good music?
A: To a rock concert!
Q: How can you make an egg laugh?
A: Tell it a yolk!
Snow
----
I was reminded today of a story I have not thought about in a long, long
time. It happened the year after I graduated college, while I was living in
Denver, CO.
On this particular occasion I was house-sitting for a retired doctor who
lived in the small but affluent community of Larkspur, about 40 miles south
of Denver.
Larkspur is built around some rather steep hills and the good doctor's
house is approached by a winding driveway that leads, at a healthy angle,
from the street to his front door, about 20 feet above street level.
The first night I was there, there was a snow storm which dumped six or
eight inches of snow over the entire area. Not having much to do the next
morning I decided I would get some exercise and shovel a bit. But when I
got out to the garage I discovered a huge gas-powered snow blower. So why
exercise when you can push?
This was a high-tech machine for the time. It came with an electric starter
that you had to plug in, then all you did was push a button and the thing
would roar to life. Plus, it was self-motivated, so navigating the steep
drive-way would be no problem.
I had gotten about 20 yards down the driveway, happily blowing snow, when I
hit a patch of ice, or something, and the motor died. All in an instant I
realized that I had to plug the starter in somewhere and the garage was 20
yards away and straight uphill.
I plodded up there and began looking for an extension cord. No go. This guy
had ever lawn tool known to man, how could he not have an extension cord?
Back down to the snow blower. I turned the dead weight around and attempted
to push it back up the driveway. That was not going to happen. It was 200
lbs. if it was an ounce.
Standing in the cold and staring at the thing I quickly adopted plans and
abandoned them. In my desperation I even toyed with the idea of driving my
car down the driveway and trying to jump the thing with the car battery.
I would have towed the thing back up, tied to the back of my car if I
hadn't been worried about traction in all that snow.
In the end, and I'm almost too embarrassed to write this, I designed a type
of yolk and harness system out of some rope and a broom handle, and I
pulled the thing back up the drive- way behind me, like a mule.
This whole process took about 75 minutes, with, I'm sure, plenty of
confused looks from the neighbors. But at the end I stood there, sweating
and triumphant, at the top of the driveway. And it was while bent over,
untying the rope from around the snow blower, that I finally noticed the
pull cord to manually start the machine.
True story, I'm sorry to admit.
Crisco
------
There was an old woman wandering around the supermarket calling out,
"Crisco, Cri-i-i-i-sssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approached. "Ma'am, the Crisco is in aisle D."
The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I am
calling my husband."
"Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The old woman answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when
we're out in public."
"Well, what do you call him when you are at home?"
"Lard ass."
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