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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 05.02.04 13:12l 171 Lines 4028 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2771-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Signs/Ruminations/Dress
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Sent: 040205/1016Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:18401 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2771-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Roadside signs from years ago
-----------------------------
Burma Shave Signs
For those of you who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick
lesson in our history of the 1930s and 40s. Prior to the interstate
highways, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs were
posted alongside those roads in farmers' fields. They were small red signs
with white letters, and there were five signs in a group posted about 100
feet apart. Each sign contained 1 line of a 4 line couplet followed by the
obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream of the
time. The following is merely a sampling of those very popular advertising
couplets.
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER,
LET'S REHEARSE;
ALL TOGETHER,
GOOD MORNING NURSE
Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND LOTS MORE STEER
Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED HIM TO A
WARMER HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR
WASN'T IT
Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave
And the all time favorite:
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave
Ruminations
-----------
You can divide people into two groups: the part severed above the waist,
and the part severed below.
I just bought myself a pair of mood underwear. When I'm ecstatic, they glow
pink. When I'm terrified, a brown strip appears down the middle.
My pet goldfish was sick, so I decided to take him to the vet -- but
unfortunately, he died on the way there. Maybe I didn't put enough air
holes in the box.
Saying something over and over again doesn't make it true -- unless, of
course, you're saying, "I'm obnoxious and repetitive."
With the advances in cosmetic surgery and dentistry, if a man finds that
beautiful blonde with gorgeous teeth and a perfect figure, he should
postpone all thoughts of marriage until he's considered the investment
he'll have to make in his brown-haired, flat-chested, hawk-nosed,
snaggletoothed daughters.
Finally!! Someone invented a digital level and Home Depot has them on
sale. The days of pulling my hair out trying to decipher the bubble on
those old analog models is over!!
How To Dress When You're Over 50
--------------------------------
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50 or hovering somewhere around 50) are
quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about
the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we
try to be nice and conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC,
California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world.
So I made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results.
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO
NOT go together:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In-line skates and a walker
With these guidelines I'm sure we'll all be LOOKING GOOD!
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