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ZL3AI > HUMOUR 04.02.04 13:13l 135 Lines 4760 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2763-ZL3AI
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Subj: Goodness/Dogs/Genie/Pills
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Sent: 040204/1040Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:18320 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2763-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Goodness
--------
As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy
stepped aside and held the door for her.
"What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a
tip involved?"
"Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for
money, but always to be good for nothing."
Dog Quotes
----------
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of
his tongue. -Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful. -Ann Landers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben
Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever
made. -M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who
are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund
Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times
before lying down. -Robert Benchley
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current
events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are
often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. -James Thurber
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a
cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' --Dave
Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. --Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. --Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
--Unknown
Genie
-----
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. Picking it
up, he pulls out the cork. Sure enough, out pops a huge blue genie.
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return, I will
grant you three wishes."
The man says, "Perfect. I always dreamed of this, and I know exactly what I
want. First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account." Suddenly,
there is a flash of light, and a detailed list with Swiss Bank account
numbers appears in his hand.
He continues. "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
There is another flash of light, and a bright red Ferrari appears right
next to him.
He goes on. "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
A final blaze of light, and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Birth control pills for granny
------------------------------
A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young
doctor looked through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a
prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are
BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know
that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange
juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks... And believe me, it helps
me sleep at night!"
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