| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 21.12.03 10:40l 76 Lines 3185 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2538-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: WiFi/Surprise/Tips
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0SIF<DB0FSG<DB0RGB<OE5XBL<OE3XSR<OK0PBX<OK0PAD<OK0PPL<
DB0RES<ON0AR<ZL2BAU<ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 031221/0816Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:15044 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2538-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Wireless Network Aid
--------------------
Here's a link to a wonderful new product that will transform your
network connection.
http://www.j-walk.com/other/wifispray/
My biggest surprise
-------------------
My daughter's third-grade teacher had assigned the children to write a
story titled "My Biggest Surprise." Not until the end of the school year
did we see Marina's work. It read: "I got up this morning and I ran into
Mommy and Daddy's bed and hopped in. But it wasn't Mommy at all--it was
Mrs. Del Campo!"
What her essay neglected to say was that we had called Mrs. Del Campo late
at night to stay with our children while I took my wife to the hospital to
have our third child.
Tips for the Holidays
---------------------
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrot sticks, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have
two. It's the holidays!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's
food for free. Lots of it. Helloooooo?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? I
think not!
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, come on, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start
over, but hurry...January is just around the corner!!!
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
