| |
ZL3AI > HUMOUR 20.12.03 09:24l 144 Lines 5312 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 2471-ZL3AI
Read: DH0GHU GUEST DL4NWM
Subj: Song/Spot/Older
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FOR<DB0SIF<DB0EA<DB0RES<ON0AR<WB0TAX<SP7MGD<VK3TE<ZL2BAU<
ZL2BAU<ZL3VML
Sent: 031220/0705Z @:ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC #:14972 [Chch-NZ] FBB7.00i $:2471-ZL3AI
From: ZL3AI@ZL3VML.#80.NZL.OC
To : HUMOUR@WW
Simon and Garfunkel
-------------------
One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune by Simon and
Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, "Well, did he what?"
Her reply: "Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
Ole Spot
--------
A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and
socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to
meet for dinner at a different neighbors house each month. Of course the
lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their
house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a
meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.
A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to
have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some
mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to
pay.
She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they
are too expensive.
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those
mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed."
She said,"No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild
mushrooms are poisonous."
He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the
time and it never has affected them."
After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the
pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild
mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them
ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and
got Ole Spot's (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even
put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.
Ole' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long
Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she
decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town To come
out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her
head. It was first class. After everyone had finished they all began to
kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women
started to gossip a bit.
About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered
in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died." With this news,
Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the
doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call
for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will
pump out everyone's stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all
there and keep them calm."
It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance
was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their
suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter..
One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out
their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think
everything will be fine now, and he left.
They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and
about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that
ran over Ole Spot never even stopped.
You really know you're getting older when ...
---------------------------------------------
- all of your favorite movies are being re-released in color.
- you begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays ... "
- you know Paul McCartney's first group wasn't "Wings", because you had a
poster of the "Fab Four" on your bedroom wall.
- you come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
- you frequently find yourself telling people how much a gallon of gas used
to cost.
- have way too much room in the house, and not nearly enough in the medicine
cabinet.
- people call you at 9pm, they ask, "Did I wake you?"
- the little gray-haired gentleman that you help across the street is your
son.
- the pharmacist becomes your new best friend.
- you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
- you don't care where your husband goes, just so you don't have to go
along.
- you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything
the night before.
- you quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
- you sink your teeth into a nice juicy steak - and they stay there.
- your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any
laws.
- your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- you and your teeth don't sleep together.
- you look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were
on your head all the time.
- getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- the twinkle in your eye turns out to be the reflection of the sun on your
bifocals.
and ...
- nowadays, the most depressing jokes you hear are the ones that start, "You
really know you're getting older when ..." because you've experienced most
of them already!
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
