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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 01.04.22 08:19l 234 Lines 6453 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 28780_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: Jokes 1/4
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0RES<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<W0ARP<AL0Y<GB7YEW
Sent: 220401/0550Z 28780@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
A warm November is the sign of a bad Winter
----
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, he discovers
that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young lion heading rapidly
in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now! Noticing some
bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the
bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more
around here?
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says
the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it
for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.The squirrel soon catches
up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with
the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
conniving canine!"
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the
dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen
them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says, "Where's
that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!
Moral of This Story
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth
and treachery! Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and
experience.
If you don't send this to two 'old' goats right away, there will be
two fewer people laughing in the world. Of course, I am in no way
insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged.
(You did notice the size of the print)
---
Thoughts -
8 Two senior citizens out walking look up and see vultures circling.
One says to the other, " I'm not saying we're getting old, but we
shouldn't stand in one place too long."
---
Acknowledgement "SUNDAY TIMES".
10) Day 2 without TV sports! Found a young lady sitting on the settee. Apparently she's my wife. She seems nice.
------
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
You have passed all the tests, except one.
It is a simple test of your English language skills. Unless you pass it , you cannot
qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said, 'You must make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and
Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, And I pink it up, and say, Yellow,
this is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
-----------
Revenge
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and
Threw it to Fido, the family dog.
When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a
Friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
Mink
----
Sean was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."
Sean thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one
Condition."
"What is that?" Lisa asked.
"You'll have to clean the cage," Sean replied.
Expert
------
I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck
Outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and
Looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem egotistical, I
Responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What
Did you just say?"
She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!"
--------------
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
Through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up to the
Belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants he had decided to call it a day when an
Armless man approached him and said he was there to apply for the bell
Ringers''s job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody
On the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had found
A replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and
Plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure,
Drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,"
Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
(scroll down)
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"....
WAIT! WAIT! There's more.............
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due
To the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued
His interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of
The poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
Yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in
This duty."
The bishop agreed to audition him, and as the armless man's brother stooped
To pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his
Chest, twirled around, and fell dead on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
Rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is the man?" the
First monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
(.....Wait for it.......)
"BUT HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER
---
Best Wishes
Dave
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