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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 04.12.21 09:20l 194 Lines 6225 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 23497_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 4/12
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0RES<ON0AR<GB7CIP<VE3KPG<N9PMO<GB7YEW
Sent: 211204/0707Z 23497@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Every wind has its weather!
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Passwords
---------
I do system support in a law firm. The other day I had to log a user off
and then back on. I entered her initials and then she just gave me her
password.
Her password was "genius".
After three tries and the system telling me "access denied," I asked her
how to spell it.
She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."
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Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said,
"Press bell for night watchman." She did so,and after several minutes
she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man
proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the
alarm system and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well,"he snarled at the blonde, "What do you want?" "I just want to
know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
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Things To Make You Ponder !
29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
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A bloke, we'll call him Alan was walking down the
Street when he was accosted by a particularly
Dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him
For a couple of quid for dinner.
Alan took out his wallet, extracted a tenner and
Asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Alan asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need
Everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course
Instead of food?" Alan asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't
Played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red
Light district instead of food?" Alan asked.
"What disease is worth getting for ten lousy quid?"
Exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Alan, "I'm not going to give you the
Money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my
Partner, Jane."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't she be furious with you for
Doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
Alan replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like
who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
Irritation
----------
There was once a movie entitled, "How to Irritate People." It is obviously
The employee training film at my local bank.
Politician
----------
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
Rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
News.
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like
This?"
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I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
Charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
Money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favour.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and
Knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the
Money back, same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
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I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
For a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked
Over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're
Already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'
She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when
One of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the
Sky and said 'Where'?
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate
Agent which direction was north because, he explained, he
Didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun
Rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the
East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep
Up with all that stuff.'
They Walk Among Us!!
----------------------------------
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the
Call centre was open. I told him, 'The number you dialled is open 24 hours
A day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?'
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'
They Walk Among Us!
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut
Through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the
Boot.
They Walk Among Us!
---------------------------------------------
My friends and I were buying beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10Ð
Since it was a big party, we bought 4 cases
The cashier multiplied 4 times 10*nd gave us a 40ðdiscount.\
They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I
Went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
Never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
Trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has
Your plane arrived yet?
They Walk Among Us!
--------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man Ordering a
Small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
Would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
Before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
Enough to eat 6 pieces.'\
Yep,
They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us,
And they Reproduce,
And Worst of all
THEY VOTE
---
Best Wishes
Dave
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