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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 01.12.21 09:34l 198 Lines 5928 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 23382_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 1/12
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0RES<ON0AR<GB7CIP<EI2GYB<N5MDT<GB7YEW
Sent: 211201/0704Z 23382@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
A warm November is the sign of a bad Winter
-------
Thanks Ian
Did you know that 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine ? Fitness is my passion.
---
Worthy of Thought:-
Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
----
Things To Make You Ponder !
26. A picture is worth a thousand words but it uses up three thousand trees.
--
Revenge
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Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and
Threw it to Fido, the family dog.
When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a
Friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
Expert
------
I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck
Outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and
Looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem egotistical, I
Responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What
Did you just say?"
She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!"
--------------
Mink
----
Sean was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."
Sean thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one
Condition."
"What is that?" Lisa asked.
"You'll have to clean the cage," Sean replied.
-------------------
It's Monday, 23 February, 2020, 9:56 AM The Inland Revenue decides to audit
Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in
The office. The auditor is not surprised when Paddy shows up with
His solicitor. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an
Extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you
Explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the
Inland Revenue finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler,
And I can prove it," says Paddy. "how about a demonstration?" The
Auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!" Paddy
Says, "I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Paddy
Removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my
Other eye." The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the
Bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand
Quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get
Nervous. "Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks.
"I'll bet you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of
Your desk and urinate into that rubbish bin on the other side, and
Never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice
Burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's
No way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Paddy stands
Beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for
All his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other
Side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The
Auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major
Loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts
His head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not
Really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me
He'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could
Come in here and urinate all over your desk - and that you'd be happy
About it.
--------------
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
Through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up to the
Belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants he had decided to call it a day when an
Armless man approached him and said he was there to apply for the bell
ringer's' job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody
On the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had found
A replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and
Plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure,
Drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,"
Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
(scroll down)
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"....
WAIT! WAIT! There's more.............
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due
To the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued
His interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of
The poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
Yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in
This duty."
The bishop agreed to audition him, and as the armless man's brother stooped
To pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his
Chest, twirled around, and fell dead on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
Rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is the man?" the
First monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
(.....Wait for it.......)
"BUT HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER
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