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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 17.11.21 20:58l 180 Lines 5323 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 22689_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 9/11
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0ERF<DB0RES<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<PI8ZTM<VE3CGR<GB7YEW
Sent: 211109/0706Z 22689@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Bees will not swarm before a storm
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Thanks Ian
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?Nothing - but it let out a little whine *****************
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THERE IS REASON TO BELIEVE MOST OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BECOME REALITY IN THE NEXT 10-20 YEARS . . . .
MOST OF US WON'T SEE THE CHANGES, BUT OUR KIDS AND GRAND-KIDS WILL !!
33 - Electric cars will become mainstream by about 2030 . . . . Cities will be less noisy because all new cars will run ONLY on electricity . . . .
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Paddy & Mick find three had grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say
we only found two."
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Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just freekin wet mine."
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy
half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room the boy said to the manager 'Some old boy wants to buy
half a head of lettuce.' As he finished his sentence he turned to find the man standing
right behind him so he quickly added' and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of
that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?'
'New Zealand sir' the boy replied.
'Oh? Why did you leave New Zealand?' the manager asked.
The boy said 'Sir there's nothing but whores and rugby players there.'
'You don't say' replied the manager 'my wife is from New Zealand!'
'Really?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
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A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't
want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had
some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbour if she would
please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably
wouldn't notice her.
She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a
good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbour and her little girl set out following behind
Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbour girl he knew. She did
this for the whole week.
As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend
noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all
week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to
school all week? Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'
'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?'
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm
with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the
days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'
May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.
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Sexual content -
MORNING SEX
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for
breakfast wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly'
You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought' I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then
gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said' Thanks' and returned to the stove her '
T' shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled I asked' What was that all about?'
She explained' The egg timer's broken.'
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An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar.
The view was fantastic the beer excellent the food exceptional.
"Y'know" said the Scotsman"I still prefer the pubs back home.
Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the
landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that
when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well" said the Englishman"At my local the Red lion the barman
there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin
there's Murphy's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place
they'll buy you a drink then another all the drinks you like. Then
when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see
that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the
Irishman's claims. He swears every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself personally no" said the Irishman. "But it did happen
to me sister on any number of occasions."
Best Wishes
Dave
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