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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 17.11.21 20:58l 166 Lines 4979 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 22834_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST DJ6UX
Subj: jokes 13/11
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<DB0ERF<DB0RES<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<PI8ZTM<VE3CGR<GB7YEW
Sent: 211113/0718Z 22834@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Red sky at night shepherds delight,red sky in the morning,shepherds warning
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Thanks Colin
2) Got up at 5am, ran 8km, then made a veggie smoothie for breakfast. I
don't remember any more of the dream!
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THERE IS REASON TO BELIEVE MOST OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BECOME REALITY IN THE NEXT 10-20 YEARS . . . .
MOST OF US WON'T SEE THE CHANGES, BUT OUR KIDS AND GRAND-KIDS WILL !!
38 - Health: The Tricorder X price will be announced this year . . . . There are companies who will build a medical device called the "Tricorder" from Star Trek that works with your phone, which takes your retina scan, a sample of your blood, then you breath into it . . . . It then analyses 54 bio-markers that will identify nearly any disease . . . . There are dozens of phone apps out there right now for health . . . .
WELCOME TO TOMORROW – some of it actually arrived a few years ago . . . . And, wouldn't you know it, I'm still trying to figure out how to use my cell phone !!
Plants
------
The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word "dog" in
Front of them: dogrose, dogwood, dog violet. She asked the class if they
Could name another flower with the prefix "dog."
Steven raised his hand and said, "Sure, Miss Jones, a 'collie' flower!"
Boss
----
You may think your boss is stupid, but remember, if he was smart you
Probably wouldn't have a job.
Salesman
--------
"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and
Its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a
Slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."
-------
In evidence the court heard that the defendant was being pursued by various
creditors who were seeking settlement of accounts for goods provided and
services rendered. Explaining how he ran up thousands of pounds in debt he
explained that he had been induced by high pressure salesmanship to take
out several plastic cards, and had sought to balance one account against
another in an effort to keep the wolf from the door. It all was, as his solicitor
said, all too easy for him to access cash through ATMs, or hole-in-the-wall
machine. He did not have the strength of character to resist the ready
availability. "The weak" said the presiding Judge, "must go to the wall".
*************************
Members of the cast of the panto "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" in
Kent say that due to considerations of political correctness all mentions of
"dwarfs" is out, and that the aforesaid dwarfs are now to be referred to as
"gnomes" or "guardians of the Forest".
This is in case the production offends people with restricted growth".
*************************
And the headline in a Kent newspaper asks: "Bird Flu: can we catch it early?"
*************************
Twenty out of 40 members of a Cuban choir have defected during a tour of
Canada. In the old days the definition of a Russian string quartet was: "A
Russian symphony orchestra after a world tour".
*************************
An English magazine has been criticised for offering a prize of a "boob job".
I dunno. Jobs are hard enough to come by these days.
*************************
A new Spanish built train suffered damage when it collided with a cow on
the line near Thurles. Iarnrod Eireann should recruit Spanish train drivers,
preferably with experience as bullfighters.
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Sexual
A Driver walks into a bar with A pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my
manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his Mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this Spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, Dropped his trousers, And placed
his manhood
and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth As the crowd gasped.
After a minute, The man grabbed a beer Bottle and smacked the
Crocodile hard on the top of Its head
The croc opened his mouth And the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, And the first of his free Drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone
$100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly spoke up..........
'I'll try it -
Just don't hit me so hard With the beer bottle!'
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Best Wishes
Dave
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