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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 02.11.21 09:01l 179 Lines 5202 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 22383_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: jokes 2/11
Path: DB0FHN<DB0FFL<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IW0QNL<VE2PKT<GB7YEW
Sent: 211102/0645Z 22383@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Evening red and morning grey, are the signs of a fine day
----
Thanks Ian
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care ******************
---
Things To Make You Ponder
5. I used to have a handle on life but it broke.
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Viking
------
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
Missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
Local civic official who apologized profusely saying ...
"I must have taken Leif off my census."
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Dog Stop
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Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other "Wait here
a minute I'll be right back." He walks across the street and Sniffs this fire hydrant for
about a minute then walks back across the street.
The other dog says"What was that about?"
The first dog says"I was just checking my messages."
---------
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise God appeared
and said"I want the men to make two lines. One Line for the men who were true
heads of their household and the Other line for the men who were dominated by their
women. I want All the women to report to St Peter." soon the women were gone
and there were two lines Of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their
wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household
there was only one man.
God said "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created You to be the head of
your household. You have been disobedient And not fulfilled your purpose. I told you
to be the spiritual Leader in your family. Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him!
Tell Them my son how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied "I don't know my wife told me to stand here."
Bizarre Facts About Coke
------------------------
[You would think that after reading these facts I would think twice about
Drinking coke but I am opening a can as we speak!]
* In many U.S. States the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the
Trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
* You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two
Days.
* You can rub a car bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap
Aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola to remove rust spots.
* Pouring a can of Coca-Cola over a car battery terminal will bubble away
Corrosion.
* Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several
Minutes will loosen it.
* You can empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes add detergent And run
through a regular cycle. The Coca- Cola will help loosen grease Stains. It will also
clean road haze from your windshield.
* The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its Ph is 2.8. It will
Dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
* To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use
The Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials.
* The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their
Trucks for about 20 years.
Drink up!!!
---------
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad
that his son was born without torso arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad
loves his son and raises him as well as he can with love and compassion.
After 21 years the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar
tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest strongest drink for
his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his
head in disbelief the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent then bursts into whoops of joy.
The father shocked begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'
The bartender continues to shake his head in
Dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father crying and wailing begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and
goes back to polishing glasses shaking his head clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy but with his new hands he reaches down grabs his drink and
guzzles the last of it.. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs
and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door into the street where
a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says*
*
(Wait for it)
*
* (Take a deep breath)
*
*
*
'He should've quit while he was a head.
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Sexual
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine.
They asked him what happened and he said, 'The sign says, insert £2 and push knob in'.
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Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
--
Best Wishes
Dave
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