| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 09.09.21 07:32l 274 Lines 8949 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 25684_GB7YEW
Read: DJ6UX GUEST
Subj: jokes 9/9
Path: DB0FHN<DB0RBS<OE5XBL<OE2XZR<OE6XPE<IW2OHX<IW0QNL<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<
PI8ZTM<VK2IO<N7HPX<W9GM<GB7YEW
Sent: 210909/0519Z 25684@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
You never miss the water until the well runs dry
--------
Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells
active! You might be sharp enough to get them all right ? !@!
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named
April. The second child was named May....What was the third
child's name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten
inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he
weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest
mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole...that measures two feet by
three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English Language...is always spelled
incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in
the summer.....How is this possible?
7. In California, you cannot take a
picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?
8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?
9. If you were running a race,...and you passed the person in
2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,..."The yolk of the egg are white"
or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in
the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he
combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers
1.
Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was
named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's
name? Answer: Johnny of course.
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall,
and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest
mountain in the world?Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't
discovered yet. [ You're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by
three feet by four feet?Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled
incorrectly? Answer:Incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December
28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this
possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.
7.
In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a
wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg.
You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it
now - Joe Biden [Oh, come on .....]
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd
place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in
2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or
"The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the
egg is yellow [Duh]
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in
the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined
them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of
his haystacks, they all become one big one.
--
Palm Reading ;-
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
---
Two blondes talking.
One says to the other, "I've just taken a pregnancy test"
The other replies,were the questions hard?
--
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named Jon
complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long" answered the Mexican.
"But then why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked Jon.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs
and those of his family.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little play with my children make love to my wife.
In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends have a few drinks play the
guitar and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The American interrupted"I have an M.BA. From Stanford and I can help
you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the
extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue you can buy a bigger boat.
With the extra money the larger boat will bring you can buy a second one
and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man you can negotiate directly with the
processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave
this little village and move to Mexico City Los Angeles or even New Jersey!
From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty perhaps twenty-five years."
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting. When your business gets
really big you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire live in a tiny village near the
coast sleep late play with your children catch a few fish make love to your wife and
spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"
-----------
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad
Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
enuugh
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red
Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree
Stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 kilometres down the
Road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down
Behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little
Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm
Trying to go to the toilet!"
--------
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself"Two plus five that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying
and gasped"What are you doing?"
The little boy answered"I'm doing my math homework Mum."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked
"Yes" he answered.
Infuriated the mother asked the teacher the next day"What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied" Right now we are learning addition."
The mother asked" And are you teaching them to say
two plus two that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing she answered" What I taught them was
two plus
two THE SUM OF WHICH is four."
* * * *
You gotta love a good nurse. A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the
hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that
all was well However the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his
crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him
about he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he
could look at
what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic
hair were
three wide strips of adhesive tape the kind that doesn't come off
easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week..."
-------------
Slightly coarse
They always ask at the doctor's surgery why you are
There and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and
Sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's
Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in
a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this and I love the way this old guy
Handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
The desk. The Receptionist said" Yes sir what are you seeing the Doctor for
Today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick "he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said"You shouldn't come into a
Crowded waiting room and say things like that"
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you" he said.
The Receptionist replied "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
Room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something
And discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
Strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear "he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled knowing he had taken her
Advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it" he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
--
Best Wishes
Dave.
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
